Daddy’s Little Girl

You see, the thing is, I have “Daddy issues”

And “mommy issues” too, but we’ll get to that some other time.

Where does a father learn to be one?

To whom is he accountable?

I’m not quite sure, but I’m certain my father doesn’t answer to me.

So like so many other dads, living and dead

There is a begrudged question mark

For me, it’s been there 14 years

Like a neon sign

Glaring at that hollow place

Where my father’s love once was

And I’m not so certain of how much he cares.

Life has tainted my view of these things

Deep down, I know he’s a good man,

who made selfish choices

But it’s taken a decade to work through these feelings of abandonment

A decade to tackle my deepest fears of being

unwanted, unloved, disfigured

Taking down these insecurities, one by one

Dismantling each useless lie.

I have to choose to forgive, today,

tomorrow, and every other day.

You see, the anger and resentment

drives you, but never quenches

your thirst.

And so I yearn, and pine

Longing to be restored to him

Hoping continually, blindly, earnestly

that the pain will go away.

Mind you, what time couldn’t heal

God patched up, and sealed.

Sealed from the inside out

with the pitch & tar of His Word

and the sealant of His love

This work done patiently and precisely,

Bonding the most secret parts

Where I hide my tear-filled and anxious questions

Where light hasn’t touched for years

and darkness is afraid to hide.

Where the sounds of anguish have been finally replaced.

I have found other battles to fight,

and I am stronger for the tussle

It’s no bother,

My spirit has triumphed over a black hole

Daddy’s little girl may just be a star after all.